Top 5 Mister Softies

Quick list kids:

Name your Top 5 softest NFL players.

Rules: You can go back as far as you want, but they have to be certified softies. Softies can be defines by being physically and emotionally unable to perform at a high level in the League. Being mentally retarded or morally bankrupt is a plus! You can’t use someone that gets hurt a lot if they are true warriors and still played hurt (Air McNair and Mike Westbrook). Extra points if you make me laugh…Double extra points if you name USC players.

Let’s go!!!!!


Did anybody fall faster than the Boz? How do you go from being #30 in the all time NCAA top 100 and a record contract at the time for a Rookie ($11 Mil…times have changed huh? I think Reggie Bush got that much while playing at SC!)… How do you go from this to this in a few years?

2 answers: Cut down on the Steroids……and one Mr. Vincent Edward Jackson….you might know him as Bo.
The Boz thought it was a good idea to insult Bo before the game, but Karma is a bitch that strikes swiftly, with Bo handing him sweet payback . His career never recovered from it, though he had a nice run as a B movie star…


Let’s get this straight, you get to go to a Professional Football factory, get teamed up with the best NFL ready talent (Alumni) money can buy, get coached by the Genius, win a National title and a Heisman, (ok he suffered a loss in the Vince Young Bowl, but that was once in a lifetime), and get drafted top ten to a team with 2 future Hall of Fame receivers, and the best you can do is this while looking like this? You then proceed to lose your starting job, and hand the keys to the whip to Warner…nice job!

By the way, you get additional D-Bag points for breaking up with your baby moms right before she gives birth. (News break: Lionheart (tee hee) is in trouble with the Cards for spending the whole summer training for MMA….too little too late.


Ok, it’s not nice to make fun of drug addictions, but dammit, before the creezack he was already funny as hell….I guess it was easier to punk reporters and yelling at your GM than completing a pass against real players…but don’t let me tell you, here’s the prosecution’s case:

Oh you like numbers? How about 14 TD’s, 36 INT’s and 50% QB rating…



I’ll keep it short, Tony shot himself full of “crazy juice” just in time for the 89 NFL draft, and here is your brain on drugs, kids:
1. Troy Aikman (Hall of Fame)
2. Tony Mandarich (not Hall of Fame)
3. Barry Sanders (Hall of Fame)
4. Derrick Thomas (Hall of Fame)
5. Dion Sanders (Hall of Fame)

I guess Sports Illustrated could only apologize to the Packers for hyping old Tony by giving him his second (and last) cover


Here’s the thing….T.O. is the only dude on my list that can really play…can’t take that away from him…but come on man, he makes it so easy to (hate) not like him.

Let’s see if I have this right…you call Garcia gay, run over the Dallas Star, spurn the Ravens for the Eagles, then mock them, then call McNabb a quitter, get another chance in Dallas, make friends with Romo, cry because everyone is a meanie to him, then get mad that he plays patty cake with Witten, attempt (half ass) suicide, then unleash your Publicist and Agent on the media, and finally land in Buffalo with a REALITY show….fuck me, I’m exhausted.

But there is justice in the Football Universe, so T.O. doesn’t have a ring to floss in our faces…and Hitler is pissed that he landed in Buffalo!

So there you have it kids, who’s your Top 5 Dead or Alive Mister Softies?


~ by unkstick on August 12, 2009.

15 Responses to “Top 5 Mister Softies”

  1. Here are my top 5 in no particular order:

    -Ty Detmer: This guy broke almost every NCAA passing record at BYU by miles, and he won the Heisman by a long shot. He gets to the NFL & doesn’t have a single season in which he eclipses 20 TD passes. In fact he barely got above 20 for his career. What a softie!

    -Rashaan Salaam: Who didn’t know about this tailback in college? He was compared to the likes of Gale Sayers & Jim Brown with his power running combined with speed. He too won the Heisman, but unlike the former showed sparks in his rookie season. Then he couldn’t stay off of injured reserves to save his life after that. He never showed any real spark again & for his sake he retired at 5 seasons. Although I could never be a running back- WHAT A SOFTIE! lol

    -Dave Krieg: Although his career spanned almost two full decades he earned a spot on this list just for committing the most fumbles by an NFL QB for a career. He’s a softie & a butterfinger

    -Danny Wuerffel: Simply enough he wasn’t cut out for the NFL. His arm strength was subpar, his mobility left much to be desired, and both had negative effects on his accuracy (which was his strongest asset at the U. of Florida). Combine all of that & you have the disaster known as Danny Wuerffel. He should’ve tried the CFL b/c in the NFL he was a SOFTIE.

    -Terrell Buckley: He was probably the top rated cornerback from his draft class coming out of Florida State in 1992. His career stats are impressive for he made 50 interceptions. However, he got burnt often by faster wide receivers b/c he never got physical with them on the corners. He relied TOTALLY on speed, and in the NFL these days you need both to be a great cornerback. So Terrell for crafty but a major softie. lol

    • Is it me or is QB the softest position in the league…I know they’re supposed to be the leaders, but more often than not they end up sucking the life out of the team if they don’t have a strong personality.

      I’m glad you brought up Salaam…I had high hopes for him specially since they would have to bow down to a Muslim surname…lol….so much for that!

      You’re bringing it once more!

  2. 1. Chris “Crystal Chandelier” Chandler – gotta concussion damn near every time that he got hit. It was a miracle when he actually made it thru a full game.

    2. Todd Pinkston – Mr. Alligator Arms

    3. Reggie Bush – all speed, but no heart. He’s the 1st RB that I’ve ever seen who’s afraid to run between the tackles.

    4. Terry Glenn – anytime your coach calls you “she”, then you’re pretty damn soft.

    5. Tom Brady – performs like an all-pro as long as he isn’t getting pressured. Other QBs expect to get hit when they throw, but Brady folds the moment that he starts getting touched (as evidenced by The Pats’ Super Bowl loss to The Giants).

  3. LOL at Pinkston…what a perfect name…Pink! Thanks for the video presentation T-Blog, I don’t remember that play…the way son was ducking you would have thought Sean Taylor was coming for his azz!

    1,000,000 bonus points for Reggie “Bush Push”!!!

    I don’t know about Brady though…you must be a Giants fan? lol…

    Much respect to your list though!

  4. no particular order…

    Terry Glenn, Ty Detmer, Matt Lenart, Danny Wuerffel, deon sanders

  5. Looks like 4 of the names were already coveres….Primetime is a good choice, for all the speed he had, he sure didn’t seem to be in a hurry to meet an RB or Tight End head on unless it was gnag tackle….Nice one Saeed!

  6. David Klingler – Set every passing record in the book at Texas Tech and did nothing in the pros. Glad the Pats passed him up in the draft.

    Vince Young – Great college quarterback but obviously has no mental toughness.

    Ki-Jana Carter – Penn State RB. Was a number 1 pick and rushed for 1,100 yards in ten seasons.

    Its easy to pound on guys who have been injured their whole careers or guys that never panned out but for guys that are soft I would agree that Leinert and Reggie Bush are at or near the top.
    I would also agree with Primetime because that guy never saw a tackle he didn’t shy away from.

  7. Yeah Pat, I’m with you on Klingler…Ki-Jana Carter, there is a name from the past, lol!….you know I always have a little extra hate in my heart for the trOJans…As far as Young, I almost put him in the list, but his fall was so sudden after showing moxy the season before, that I figured he still has a chance to right the ship…too early to write him off….but he sure is damaging the little bit of legacy he had…

    Great list sir!

  8. Loved this blog, Bobby. Funny as hell, too. I love the videos and the photos that go with it. I don’t have a list, since I don’t watch much football. 🙂

  9. Man, I watched that Ryan Leaf video. How bad was that guy? Not only did he throw 22 more picks than TDs and had a horrible completion percentage but those passes weren’t even close. He has to be one of the worst QBs of all time.

  10. 1.Rashaan Salaam: won heisman got cut
    2.Ron Dayne: won heisman got cut
    3.Maurice Clarett: again and now in jail
    4.The dude who played for carolina panthers who put his baby mama in the trunk (not even worthy of name mention)
    5.Last but not least Terrell Owens: for crying during post game interview defending the QB who didnt even like him

  11. Man I’m glad you brought up Mo Clarett….that dude was trying to go out like Scarface but punked out…lol

    So you’re trying not to name Ray Carruth right? That dude was on a whole new level of evil!

    It’s been 2 days since T.O cried, I’m worried about him…suicide watch 2009?

    West up Chauncey!

  12. Reggie Bush
    Jake Delhomme- a freak squeeze toy!! SMCH
    What’s you boy that played for the Miami Dolphin who was fiyah until he got some of the OOOOOO–WEEE!

  13. Intervention is a process of bringing together a amalgamation of people who have been affected by the actions of the dependent, in a unbiased site. This party is then urged to address the drug user to tell him as to how each person in the group has been influenced. This expectantly enables the drug abuser to face up to the fact that he has got a problem and to seek help.


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